2003-09-15
okay, today is not such a good day, it started out wonderful, like most, but ended like most as well; shitty. my mom told me today that steve, my stepdad (after seven years) is moving out. they are going to end their relationship and just be friends. and my mom was talking crazy about selling or renting the house, OUR house, MY HOME! she wants to get an apartment and live there. WHAT? she wants to sell the home i grew up in...my home. i dont understand...why? that house it means so much to me, i never truly thought about how much until mom had recently brought the topic up of selling it. here i am in college, and with a new start, a new chapter if you will and it was supposed to be great but now it is turning into one of the shittiest points in my life...i don't understand why things have to be a challenge so much of the time?!?! can someone explain that to me? i thought things were going to be different~ and my mom says that she just couldn't deal with the fact that steve never wanted to go anywhere or ever go out and do stuff anymore....well you sure as hell put up with it for a damn good seven years! and now you wanna change? noe you think that there is still time, just because you are going back to school? you know~ i was thinking no no, it'll be okay mom will stay with steve, and damn it i think she is so fucking selfish...forget about security or stability...she wants to go back because SHE wants to go back. she is jealous of me; steve and i already had this conversation...she is. well damn it, you know what? that is life! im sorry, mother, that you didnt get what you wanted when you were my age, im sorry that you had ryan at eighteen, but why should i have to pay for your mistakes? why???it's not right...
always.
caitlin
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Sometimes those most worthy of love are not made happy by it. ~Dangeous Liaisons
It is on the strength of observation that one finds a way; so we must dig and delve unceasingly. ~Claude Monet 1840-1926