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November 16, 2006Upon my word...
I have been so bad. I really feel horrible about not writing much in here anymore. Damn you myspace, damn you.
So, I had a euphoric event take place about a week and a half ago. I did something I knew better than to do and in the instant that it happened, it was undoable and completely wrong. And after it happened, it was like a fog had been lifted from my eyes.
I realized something about people that I have always been quick to overlook. I usually write people off as good or bad. But I never imagined that someone I knew, someone I trusted could turn out to be so...cold. Not deceitful, or misleading, just...cold. There is no better word for it. From all the time I have known you, I thought you were so much better than the things I had experienced with other guys, even other people. Not because I liked you, no. It was because you were my friend. And the type of friendship we had didn't need to be settled everyday through conversation or emails, or even phone calls. Our connection was deeper than that, no, perhaps it was just more mature.
It breaks my heart to think that you are out there indifferent to me. And you aren't indifferent, you're too fucking cowardly to really say what you want or need to say to me.
But you, you were my favorite...
did you miss?
Sometimes those most worthy of love are not made happy by it. ~Dangeous Liaisons
It is on the strength of observation that one finds a way; so we must dig and delve unceasingly. ~Claude Monet 1840-1926