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October 10, 2004
I feel as though a giant weight has been lifted from shoulders today; as I was confessing my "sins" to my mother I finally told her that I was (a majority of the time) quite unhappy here. Her response was quite surprising to me: "Caitlin, all I can tell you is: Welcome to your twenties!"As she said this a funny thought crossed my mind - all my life I've felt as a pescimist would. I've never felt positive about anything over a long period of time. I've always wondered why life has to be a struggle for some and not for others? I know my struggles are few and far between compared to some others, but they are my own; my own to overcome and my own to satisfy. And it's hard. I continually write entries about how I've lost myself, how I have no purpose, no direction so to speak. I still have not had any real epiphany on how to find these things but I have come to realize that no matter what, it WILL be a struggle for me. Hopefully it will be a struggle I can win eventualy.
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Sometimes those most worthy of love are not made happy by it. ~Dangeous Liaisons It is on the strength of observation that one finds a way; so we must dig and delve unceasingly. ~Claude Monet 1840-1926 |