"-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Transitional//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-trans.dtd"> A Life Less Ordinary
A Life Less Ordinary A Life Less Ordinary
May 11, 2006
2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

That's how I feel. That is why I can't say 'I love you' outloud, to your face, from me to you directly. Because I know that there may be a chance someday that you will use my words however you want to. For whatever purpose may suit you. And no, I don't think that is the type of person you are. I don't think you would deliberately do something like that, but I know that I did a lot of things I never thought I would or could. But I did. And so can you.

I love you, you see. But anymore that means nothing more than feeling something stronger than I did the last time I saw you. As you say, what kind of relationship would we or could we really have? You cut the bullshit and pick your battles; I bullshit mostly and refuse to back down. So, I love you but maybe we are - for the most part - incompatible. Maybe the love I feel for you is something that I shouldn't. Maybe all my maybe's have been things that should have merely been nevers. I don't know.

And I don't see how you can love two people at once because the very thought of you leaving - sure I'll date, sure I'll have sex, sure I may have a few captivating conversations with someone other than you - but ultimately you'll be there...always. In the back of mind, like a splinter if you will. Because I can't split myself two ways; and I don't think you can either. But maybe you just can't admit that to yourself. Maybe, just maybe, you don't love me like you love her. 'Maybe' is all we'll ever be...


*Always.
Caitlin

Wilted | Fresh


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Sometimes those most worthy of love are not made happy by it. ~Dangeous Liaisons
It is on the strength of observation that one finds a way; so we must dig and delve unceasingly. ~Claude Monet 1840-1926
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