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April 14, 2006
Although, generally I would have to say I don't miss college, the one thing I do miss is the writing material it afforded me. For right now I am content. I have restful nights, good friends, a loving family to come home to, and plenty of good times. But I must admit...these days what I am lacking in wit I am making up for in nine-hour work days, or complaining customers, or failed attempts at hustling pool. Don't get me wrong...I really enjoy where I am at right now. I'm just kind of...floating, if that's the right word? I'm sustained by how things are for me right now. But I miss the pressure and angst and friendly drama that used to fuel my writing.It sucks. Sometimes I write such good things, being at home while everyone else is still in school, but most of it is stuff that I cannot post for fear of resentment or broken hearts or even crushing truths. Some day I will post these things, but it will be nowhere in the near future. Before my friend left for New York he asked me if I thought I was settling. I said that perhaps I was. He shook his head and his lips kind of rolled into a frown. I feel like right now is my time to settle, my time to be ordinary, mundane even mediocre. I've never felt like one of those people that can be 100% all of the time. In high school, I was the shining star, the dedicated student, and the mindful child. Right now...I just want to be none of those things. I just want to escape from that for a while and make some mistakes and see where life takes me. I'll settle for that. *Always. |
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Sometimes those most worthy of love are not made happy by it. ~Dangeous Liaisons It is on the strength of observation that one finds a way; so we must dig and delve unceasingly. ~Claude Monet 1840-1926 |