Why does the truth always seem to be bad? I look back on my life and there isn't one time in ever learning the truth that I was happy, relieved, or even mildly content.
Why is that?
For years I have been trying to figure out what my problem is - the problem relating to me and men that is. I have been trying to figure out the truth of the matter. And I believe I have finally figured out the truth...in a nutshell anyway.
I see men how I want to see them.
Nothing more and nothing less. It's that simple really. I overlook problems and ignore what I don't like for the portions that I do like. And inevitably I think this will help things along - that ignoring large faults or things that really bother me - will somehow solidfy our relationship. Compromise. Settle. Give in.
I do this with my male friends too. Not just the guys I date, see or sleep with. Oh no! For instance, I never thought one particular person could or would do what he did to me recently. Now, a friend said that I don't understand; that doing what is necessary to avoid headaches is understandable. That's like saying 'You have to pick your battles.' To me I find that an abhorrent expression to use in describing a relationship/friendship between two people. PEOPLE! I am not at war damn it. Though if I am it would not be hard to guess who was responsible.
I was blown away at the idea that someone can't say my name in front of someone else without them flipping out and getting hysterical. It's ridiculous. You know for someone who wants to have a mature relationship, for someone who wants to be "sure," you sure do act fucking immature.
Okay, I have strayed yet again from my main point. It really hurt my feelings to think that I can't hang out with you because it might be upsetting to your semi-quasi (UNSURE) girlfriend. I was literally blown away. Perhaps you don't like confrontation, not all people do and I understand that, but COME ON! You make me feel like the cheap whore you talk to when it's convenient, entertaining, or otherwise. And you are supposed to be my friend...
I would never do that to my friends. And I cannot understand how someone that seems so great in every aspect of character and 'moral fiber' would fail in this one, very important aspect.
Maybe I am being too harsh. But harsh would be the word I would use to describe how I felt about your actions towards me.
"Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies."
~Raplh Waldo Emerson
So, you need to ask yourself which is more beautiful to you? The truth? Or lies? And for the record I want to state that omissions are in there own way small forms of betrayal. So omitting facts, or passing over pieces of events may not be called lying but it can't be called the truth either.
Ultimately, I don't like that my friendship with you is dictated by another person. Wait, not by another person but by another person's jealousy. I hate it. And yet there is nothing I can do to stop it.
That's something to think about.
*Always.
Caitlin
Sometimes those most worthy of love are not made happy by it. ~Dangeous Liaisons
It is on the strength of observation that one finds a way; so we must dig and delve unceasingly. ~Claude Monet 1840-1926