The truth.
A friend once made me try something. I was skeptical at first but I did and then I realized that it was applicable to my particular situation.
He said to me, "C, you gotta realize that sometimes your focus isn't a good thing. You focus on one thing and you tend to block out everything else. Okay do me a favor, look around your room for everything that is red. Memorize the red things. Name them. Focus on them."
And so I did, I focused on all the red items, cups and pens and words. It was quite taxing really.
Then he continued, "Now, close your eyes and tell me something. Give me a list of all the green things in your room."
And I tried. I tried to recall anything that I had looked at that might have possessed even a little bit of green. But I couldn't do it. Of course I would never admit that to Sheldon, but he guessed.
He said, "You can't do it can you C? And do you know why you can't do it? Because you were focused so much on something else that you barely noticed anything other than red items around you."
I admitted he was right, but ultimately in my state of 'sadness' I was not very adept in seeking out the moral of Sheldon's little game.
So he told me. "C, this is your problem. You see only what you want to. You focus on one thing and ultimately one type of guy. As a direct result of that you only see the type of guys you are looking for. You don't see the guys that are quiet or shy but still might be very nice guys."
And Sheldon is very right. Sadly. I rarely admit someone's ability to be correct (especially that of a man's ability) but I had to hand it to Sheldon. So, that is what I do. I look to the men who hurt me the most and love me the least. Lovely.
*Always.
Caitlin
Sometimes those most worthy of love are not made happy by it. ~Dangeous Liaisons
It is on the strength of observation that one finds a way; so we must dig and delve unceasingly. ~Claude Monet 1840-1926