I just feel like there is this lingering thing that needs to be talked about between he and I, but I do not want to begin the "screaming mess" of labeling or defining things. I just wish it was easier...
I don't like initiating "talks" between myself and guys anymore; last time I did it, my heart got carried away and eventually my head caught up with my heart, but it was a little too late - I was devestated. And anymore, I think that when I do like someone I tend to think that if it doesn't feel exactly like it did with the last that I don't truly like the person. I hate that...blocked off.
At this very moment, a whole jumble of thoughts are swirling around in my head and this is the first time I have not been able to explain myself articulately through the written word. I don't like that...that feeling of not being able to use what I am good at to help me define something or think it through. It's weird really, this feeling, it's new - I've been uncertain about things before but this uncertainty is plaguing. I wonder why that is? Is it because I am really afraid or because of all the uncertain times I have experienced this may be one that the outcome is truly important?
I feel like my uncertainty is defining me right now...
*Always.
Caitlin
Sometimes those most worthy of love are not made happy by it. ~Dangeous Liaisons
It is on the strength of observation that one finds a way; so we must dig and delve unceasingly. ~Claude Monet 1840-1926