Today I sat around with five women from my family, talking abnd laughing. The connection that I felt between some of those women left me awestruck. They're all proud, independent, wonderful women and they all somehow took comfort and solace in others; others like themselves.
Perhaps this is why I always feel so alone, because I allow myself no solace from another. In my perserverance to stand alone, on my own, I have fallen so many times it feels as almost as if my very spirit has become only a bruise - a bruise that never fully heals.
For a while I told myself that I wanted to fix things, right my wrongs, but until today I didn't realize just how much I need others to help my right those wrongs in my life. I wanted to succeed in school, but I didn't want any help from my parents, my professors or friends. Eventually I failed, so horribly, in fact, that I see it as almost impossible for redemption.
A valid hell is one from which there is a possibility of redemption, even if this is never achieved...J.G. Ballard
*Always.
Caitlin
Sometimes those most worthy of love are not made happy by it. ~Dangeous Liaisons
It is on the strength of observation that one finds a way; so we must dig and delve unceasingly. ~Claude Monet 1840-1926