I think I have lost the true meaning of friendship - or perhaps I have just lost my tolerance. I find myself picking my friends apart and nagging about things that might not have mattered so much to me a few years ago. The friends I have now, well not all of them, some don't even seem real to me at times. Sometimes I look at the relationships I have with people and my mind just goes blank for a moment and then one phrase enters: Who is this person?
Not to say that I am a perfect person, I am by no means perfect, hell I've fucked plenty of people over in many ways that tesifies to my former statement about pefection. But I find myself searching for integrity in my friends that I used to be able to find last year - but now I don't really know where it went to. I feel that this semester has made me change, definitely made me grow up and I certainly hope that my integrity has grown along with me.
Was I seeing things in my friends last year that weren't really there? Did I imagine them? Or maybe I was just too shallow or self-involved to realize that perhaps the people I was associating with weren't really who I thought they were. This is what I find weird and sometimes ironic about change - just when you're changing for the better it seems everyone else is either changing for the worse or not changing at all.
My friend had something about change on her profile which I will leave for you:
"Things don't change, people change."
But we always seem to think it's things right? Never the people....
*Always.
Caitlin
Sometimes those most worthy of love are not made happy by it. ~Dangeous Liaisons
It is on the strength of observation that one finds a way; so we must dig and delve unceasingly. ~Claude Monet 1840-1926