Let's go back to a time when I was happier, or at least I thought I was. This was a time when I had discovered something in myself that I didn't really know existed. I began to feel something so deep for someone else that it kind of frightened me. I'd like to say that I began to fall in love with this person, but I couldn't really tell you if that would be the whole entire truth of the matter. In reality though, I did feel something for this person that I had never felt for anyone else before...(and at once I kind of began to understand why all my girlfriends had become attached to the people they were with.)
To this day, I keep telling myself that it was him who hurt me but that isn't really true. I did this to myself; I hurt my own heart. I used to look into his eyes and believe that I saw something there. I suppose that is why I kept sleeping with him and spending time with him because I really thought that it would last, maybe not forever, but longer than anything I've ever experienced. And I wanted that so badly...very badly.
Brittany, what you've got to realize is that continuing to be with him and sleep with him and doing all these things is not hurting him (and as you seem to insinuate, it isn't really making him "fall in love with you over again" either) these things you're doing are only hurting you...
Believe me darling I know, I used to be the girl that could have the non-committed physical relationship...and so when I met him I thought I could do the same thing, but he slipped past my defenses and well, things ended badly. He broke my heart or I did rather - more than I would like to admit. But in the end I realized that I continued the bullshit that kept me yearning and feeling like crap. I can't stand to be up one day and down the next three and that is how it was with him.
My advice to you? Tell him how you feel. How you really feel, get it off your chest, be honest and he can't fault you for that. If he can't reciprocate those feelings...leave him be. Because in the end, the only person you have to blame at the end of the day for you unhappiness is yourself. And I think that is one of the hardest things to admit...but once you do it, it's rather freeing.
Good luck sweetie.
*Always.
Caitlin
Sometimes those most worthy of love are not made happy by it. ~Dangeous Liaisons
It is on the strength of observation that one finds a way; so we must dig and delve unceasingly. ~Claude Monet 1840-1926