Problem 1 - Caitlin received an $1100 check from the University as a refund. What did I do? Spent it all - yes, ALL of it. Mmmhmm, I am thinking the same thing, "How can one spend $900 in three weeks?' Well, I don't know HOW exactly, but I do know that it IS possible. Oh, there is more to problem one than you think. So, the bursar tells me I don't owe anything; but suddenly I get a $850 bill, now I have to pay this off myself or die trying as my parents have no idea I spent all that money, they think I paid off my bursar bill with it. But, I didn't because I am a shitty human being.
Problem 2 - My hardest class (19th Century British Authors) is kicking my ass. I think I have already failed the class if you want to know the truth of it all. Yup! I suck at life - and 19th Century British Authors too I guess. We had the choice of doing a midterm or a paper...I chose a midterm; silly me I thought midterm meant test in the middle of the term, but I guess not. Apparently it's a paper too?! Which I didn't turn in. 10% of my grade right there...so even if I get an A in the class somehow it won't be an A because 10% of my grade will be MISSING!
Problem 3 -I have thought seriously about suicide. Seems funny right? this self-suficient, fun-loving college student is thinking about suicide? Oh yes, I am. In fact, I think that if I were to die and go to hell, in reality I would just turn up back here in Bloomington trying to get shit done and failing at it miserably. Yes, Bloomington = Hell/Purgatory (whichever you're more prone to I guess)
Problem 4 - I feel like crap; I don't know where I am anymore (as always). I think I hate myself.
Problem 5 - I can't seem to hold down a relationship with anyone. I have three friends down here...THREE people and don't give me that quality over quantity shit because that crap doesn't fly when you're in college aka social hell.
Oh, I have more problems but uh...well I don't think I can write anymore as the realization of my problems has suddenly come to me all at once and I am going to be ill, ILL I tell you!
*Always.
Caitlin
Sometimes those most worthy of love are not made happy by it. ~Dangeous Liaisons
It is on the strength of observation that one finds a way; so we must dig and delve unceasingly. ~Claude Monet 1840-1926