God and Satan were standing along a fence dividing Heaven and Hell one day, when Satan turned to God and said,"I'll make you a deal, we'll each have a go at the next 3 people to walk by, and whoever wins the most souls, is the most powerful."
God, not usually being one to wager, said,"I'll take your bet, and whoever loses has to move the fence 100 feet further away from their gates."
The first person walked up, and Satan quickly started in on him.
"Wouldn't you like to have sex with many women whenever you please? Wouldn't you like to get high, get drunk, live lavishly and without boundary forever?
God quickly chirped,"Wouldn't you rather take up your wings as an angel? Wouldn't you rather watch over you loved ones on Earth? There are no material goods in Hell, it's just a gimmick."
Satan tried to come back, but the guy had already taken God's hand and God led him to the gates of Heaven. He ushered the man inside, and walked back to the fence.
"Not so easy as you thought, eh, old friend?" said God.
"It's going to be a long day, God. You may have won this one, but there are more to come." Satan quipped.
A woman came to the fence between Heaven and Hell, and God pushed Satan out of the way and greeted the lady with a hug and a smile, and said,"Ah, I have been waiting on you, friend. You already know what Heaven has to offer, won't you come inside?"
Satan took his pitchfork out of his mouth(which he was using as a toothpick at the time) and kinda waltzed up, put his arm on God's shoulder, and said,"This man lies, I tell you. You will not be as angels. You will sit around and do nothing, for God says in heaven, there are no material goods, only "wings and a harp" for all to wear. How boring is that? Wouldn't you like to spend eternity in unimaginable wealth and gorge yourself with food and drink?"
God's eyes softened and he even shook his head in disgust as the lady looked God in the eye... and walked away with Satan. Once they got to the gates of Hell, Satan put his pitchfork through the woman, picked her up like a shish-ke-bob, and tossed her into the fire.
Placing the pitchfork back into his shoulder pouch, he walked back to the fence. God stood in disgust, his head hung. He had been let down and had let someone down.
Slowly, over the horizon, the last person for the day walked up to the fence. He stood squarely between Satan and God. Both men had at him. Both were equally compelling. But the man didn't listen. Instead, he walked to the fence, tested his weight on it, and after coming to the conclusion that it would more than support his weight, he pulled himself onto it and sat.
God and Satan were taken aback. Satan said,"Don't you want to make a decision? Can't you see which is better, heaven or hell?
The man shrugged,"I'll just wait until the next person comes along and see what they do and why, then maybe I'll make a decision."
God started to reach out for the man, but Satan stepped in front of Him. "Silly human, you must not realize, I put this fence up!"
With one quick motion, Satan waved his pitchfork, and the fence disappeared. Instead of standing in a field between the gates, the man found himself well within the gates of hell.
"There is no indecision, friend. 'Tis heaven, or hell."
Sometimes those most worthy of love are not made happy by it. ~Dangeous Liaisons
It is on the strength of observation that one finds a way; so we must dig and delve unceasingly. ~Claude Monet 1840-1926