I'm so sick of trying to put things together; sick of trying to make something out of nothing! And most people would say, "Well, don't try so hard!" And I'd reply with, "Fuck off. I'm sorry I want my life to be worth something! Assholes!"
Maybe I'm just cranky because I need to eat something and I keep thinking about the things that I have fucked up on. Grrrrr! Sometimes I hate my memory. Wow~ I need to get away from Bloomington, get away from Indiana. I wish I had the money to just go wherever I wanted and do whatever I wanted when I felt like it. Being in college sucks a majority of the time...shit I miss the days of high school when I had a regular bedtime schedule and a regular pasttime and social life!
Boooo! However sad I may appear don't let me fool you; I am going to come full circle one of these days and I'll be like that girl I see sometimes walking to class (she is always smiling!) It's rather annoying, but I wonder how come I can't be like that. People like that, I like that; being happy is not overrated, it's just unhappy, depressed, or fucked up people that say that so they can justify their shitty life and shitty disposition! HONESTLY! I can't handle it anymore...I just want something stable and normal and nice...
*always*
caitlin
Sometimes those most worthy of love are not made happy by it. ~Dangeous Liaisons
It is on the strength of observation that one finds a way; so we must dig and delve unceasingly. ~Claude Monet 1840-1926