I need to say goodbye to the days when I was truly a kid. I need to realize that if I don't start pulling my own weight, I am going to lose the whole entire load and that I'll be left with nothing. I need to start this by realizing that school is a serious issue; so I have a new year's resolution in mind...I am going to buckle down next semester and give it my best. I am going to study hard and definitely improve my grades...
I also need to let go of the past. There are too many things that have already happened that I can't fix. There are so many things I regret that I can't take back now, but a friend told me something the other day that really made me think...
"Think of regret in this way: You see this beautiful, old oak tree and the first time you see it is the way you will always remember it. You don't know what hardships it had to endure to obtain its unique look or character - drought, being struck by lightening, almost being cut down - but you know it's beautiful regardless..."
So, that is how I am looking at things now...with this perspective. I hope it works; and I think I realize why a lot of people don't stay friends when they go to college, it's because it is the inevitable concept that you will change and so will your friends...there is nothing you can do about it unless you roll with the punches or step out of the ring. So, I am not sure what exactly the right thing is to do right now, but I definitely think that stepping out of the ring is not a bad idea...
I don't know. I just feel like everything is going around and around but I'm not going anywhere and this makes me sad and very, very confused! I don't like Indiana University at all and I am so sick of trying to make it work for me and pretending to be happy, but I don't want to admit that I might have made the wrong choice...I don't think I can bring myself to that!
always.
caitlin
Sometimes those most worthy of love are not made happy by it. ~Dangeous Liaisons
It is on the strength of observation that one finds a way; so we must dig and delve unceasingly. ~Claude Monet 1840-1926