righteousness.
I am so tired today! I begin to feel more and more tired every day. Why is that? I am young and vital and supple; why should I be feeling like crap all the time? It has occurred to me that it is not my body that aches, but my mind. I am so overwrought with feelings of anguish and fear and anger that I no longer can feel what it is to be free of such burdens. These feelings that I have now are caused by other people in my life...but yet, as I am told by one in particular, that I should not shun these people or condemn them for their wrongdoings...(the same wrongdoings that are hurting me and making me tired and angry at the same time!!!) How can this be? If I am not to openly vent in my diary (my PERSONAL place to record my daily OBSSERVATIONS and EXPERIENCES) then what the fuck is this website even for? Is it for me to write pretty poetry and talk about how I love the springtime and birds and song?? Funny, because I never thought that is what a diary was/is for!
Yes, this diary (of MINE) is on a website, on the internet, available for all who wish to view it, but the keyword is WISH! If you wish to view my diary please feel more than obliged to do so...ENJOY!...but do not, DO NOT, talk to me about being judgemental in accordance with my THOUGHTS or FEELINGS! Your judgement upon my judging others is not necessarily the right thing either. I am so very sick of certain people thinking that they are somehow "superior" to me because they can quote crap from the Bible. I have faith; faith in my religion, faith in my church, and above all else, faith in God! If you are so "righteous" then tell me why is it you find it necessary to fix everyone else BUT yourself?
I don't want to make an argument out of it...but damn it...learn to let things be the way they are. I know that I am not the perfect Christian, I know God can see everything I do and hear everything I say~ I NEVER claimed to be perfect. I am working to better myself, but change just doesn't happen over night and ESPECIALLY not under the thumb of someone else telling you what you are doing wrong. Stop pretending to be this moral and upright person because you are not! If you were, than you would know better than to patronize me for my acts of sin. My own pastor is less demanding and critical. We all fall short of his holiness in some way, this is mine! This is my fault! I'll fix it~ someday! There are other parts of myself that could use fixing way before that!!!! But of course you wouldn't know anything about those other parts~ you are to busy judging the nearest and open one to you! Tell me; how does it feel to be so much better than I? How does it feel to be the most upright and moral person on the Earth? Because I would really like to know...
Always.
Sometimes those most worthy of love are not made happy by it. ~Dangeous Liaisons
It is on the strength of observation that one finds a way; so we must dig and delve unceasingly. ~Claude Monet 1840-1926