Having had a few weeks off I have had a lot of time to spend thinking about things: school, friendships, etc. I have realized that no matter what I have I feel bound to destroy it in some way, shape, or form.
I have had several chances to pick up my grades and several chances to ensure and fortify some of my friendships and yet I pull away - it's almost as if a part of me wants to fail so that I may start over completely from scratch. But it wouldn't be completely from scratch would it? No, I would always have a part of my failures with me and perhaps that is enough to keep me from succeeding in my future endeavors.
I find myself growing old and tired from this place that is my home now. Bloomington on its own is rich and diverse and cultured (somewhat), but I find that I do not bring uniqueness to this place or that it instills in me something I shall carry for the rest of my days. I want to be free to live where I want and free to do what I want to do. I want to get lost...
*Always.
Caitlin
Sometimes those most worthy of love are not made happy by it. ~Dangeous Liaisons
It is on the strength of observation that one finds a way; so we must dig and delve unceasingly. ~Claude Monet 1840-1926