"-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Transitional//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-trans.dtd"> A Life Less Ordinary
A Life Less Ordinary A Life Less Ordinary
2004-05-01
Why is it that I hear about you when I don't want to hear about you? I can't seem to make it through the day without someone mentioning your name to me as if I am your relative...

I was watching a show tonight and I thought about how as women, we can be so happy with one part of our life and so miserable in the other portion. And the thing is the miserable portion is the one thing that drags your good part down...you got an A your paper, but your parents are arguing; you went on a date with a really nice boy, but you report card sucks; your mom disapproves of your career choice but all your friends are doing extremely well. It's like everything comes in a binary format. Nothing can ever be good it has to be good and bad.

So, my day was going well and I came up to bed to sleep and I ran into someone that I knew (@ 4:30 in the morning no less) and he asked me, "Guess who I saw tonight?" And I say, "Who?" And instantly he replied with your name and I was sad...things were going pretty well...school was ending, I was going to start a new job, get back to see all my really good friends and then it just so happened that the thought of you came up...

I don't like it. I feel like sometimes I judge myself too harshly on the feelings I have because mostly they are pretty normal things to feel, but there is always a part of me that says, "Don't be so weak" or "You can do better." But what if I can't do better? What if I don't want to do better than you?

You know, a good friend of mine said to me today: "You and Jess are so screwed up. You try and start the relationship after the sex has already been initiated; now you both know that isn't going to work...that's not reality!" And I was sad to admit that you were the proof of that statement. I thought with you that it might be different, but you were really just like all the others...a simple action, a simple name...but no heart at all. But who knows, maybe I was the same to all the others, and most unfortunately, the same to you...

*Always.

Caitlin

Wilted | Fresh


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Sometimes those most worthy of love are not made happy by it. ~Dangeous Liaisons
It is on the strength of observation that one finds a way; so we must dig and delve unceasingly. ~Claude Monet 1840-1926
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