I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life; I have no idea if I'll be happy teaching French in fifteen years or I'll be miserable with it; should I write for a living; should I sing for a living? It's all too much for me right now...I look at a lot of the people in my dorm and at my school and they all seem to know what they want to do. Honestly, I have friends younger than I that know what they want to pursue. I just don't want to be one of those people that wakes up in fifty years to find themselves miserable, bored, and beaten by life. And I am truly afraid that is what will become of me...
And I find that the reason I am slacking in school is because I HAVE NO FOCUS...I don't know where I am going and I don't know what I am working for; I don't have any real work-related or career-oriented values.
And the thing is; I really want to be focused and all about getting my life started with a good career and a great education, but for some reason I can't get a hold of that mentality, while everyone else around me seems to have it firmly in their grasp.
I'm sick of just floating by and doing what I have to do because it is a pre-requisite for any degree; it makes me feel like, "What the hell? Why am I paying money to go here?"
I know what I am good at, but for some reason being at college makes me feel like I am not really good at anything besides drinking and having sex...
What a life...
*Always.
Caitlin
Sometimes those most worthy of love are not made happy by it. ~Dangeous Liaisons
It is on the strength of observation that one finds a way; so we must dig and delve unceasingly. ~Claude Monet 1840-1926