A day when you are walking to class and these most random and disturbing thoughts start drifting through your mind. I had one of those experiences today. It was weird and kinda creepy...
I had this babysitting job last summer; and I absolutely hated it. I hate kids - because that is all I used to do was babysit - a majority of my summers were spent babysitting, hence the reason I have come to hate kids. So, anyway I had this babysitting job and I babysat for this guy who was/is so weird and even a little neurotic I think. I got fired...that is to say I was terminated because of my lack of "attention" to his son. So,in response to his insane accusations I briefly called him an asshole and hung up the phone.
I have come to realize that that is the exact way I feel - a majority of the time - when it comes to life. It speaks but I just want to tell it off and hang up the phone. Maybe I don't want to completely ward it off, but I definitely would like to put it off for sometime. I feel that I am too young to be having these insane leaps of reasoning and ideas running through my mind; I am young and I should want to be where I am now. My life is technically very uncomplicated and easy, but I still hate it...and I don't know why...
And the further I continue down Hatred of Life Avenue, I keep thinking that nothing and no one is going to fix this problem, ever! I don't even know if I can fix it...I find the only time I am happy is when I am by myself, listening to music or reading about other people's lives. Honestly, I want to be by myself all the time...which is a hard thing to accomplish living in a fucking dorm. (*bastards*)
I don't know...some people might say I am just being negative, but it is like my philosophy teacher once told me: "Some people are born nice and some people are born mean; some people are positive and some people are negative...that is life and you shouldn't shun one or the other based on the views held by our society."
So, I'm a negative! That's right...NEGATIVE! But it isn't that I don't want to see thngs positively, it's that sometimes it is hard to be positive when you are stuck in a place you don't want to be with no one that can relate to you or what you want or desire.
And here's some closing song lyrics for all you positives and negatives out there:
_______________________________________
All my best memories
Come back clearly to me
Some can even make me cry.
Just like before
It's yesterday once more.
*Always. Caitlin
Sometimes those most worthy of love are not made happy by it. ~Dangeous Liaisons
It is on the strength of observation that one finds a way; so we must dig and delve unceasingly. ~Claude Monet 1840-1926