I have been thinking more and more about college and the way things have been changing and how they continue to change. Yesterday my mom made me clean out my room. Everything is gone...everything. There are no pictures on MY walls, no more butterflies hanging from MY ceiling, and no more stickers or makeup or special little things that made my room MY room. It's all going so fast...I want to go, I am ready to go, but I don't want to leave behind everything I have and know here. It saddens me deeply thinking about everything that will be lost to me when I leave where I am from! It's the place I grew up in...my only home.
I want to be able to stay in the dorms a couple of nights before classes actually start. I want to get used to what will be my new home. But, alas, I cannot. I must be home for my cousin's wedding. She is getting married on the Saturday before classes start and I must be there to help decorate and attend the dinner rehearsal. I am in the wedding and I must learn everything there is to be learned about proper attire and so forth.
I still don't feel old enough to be going away to college. It feels like just yesterday that my mom was telling me I needed to start "thinking about what I wanted to do with my life". I hated those conversations. I didn't know what I wanted to do~ I am still overwrought by the possible choices laid out before me. I am tired and worn. I feel almost a hundred years old today...even though it is not so. I could only be so lucky to have so much knowledge and life experience! Wouldn't we all be so lucky...
Always.
Sometimes those most worthy of love are not made happy by it. ~Dangeous Liaisons
It is on the strength of observation that one finds a way; so we must dig and delve unceasingly. ~Claude Monet 1840-1926